SEEK 2013

I never publicly post my beliefs and opinions on facebook like before, but I want to attend a Catholic Conference on Jan 2-6 in Orlando. I need donations to cover for the costs of the conference. I do not care how big or small the donations are since I am going through a change in myself. I am not open about certain things because I know people do not want to hear about me and God and to them its not important to them. If anyone knows my story and the struggles I've been through throughout this past year, you would know I had 2 surgeries this past year and through those struggles I found God again. I had fallen metaphorically and literally...I tore my ACL in March playing DDR and at that time I did things that I said I would never do years ago. Just to say a really quick story before the anesthesia went into full effect before my surgery, I was very resistant and I would not let go. I had a really weird flashback of who I was beforehand and I saw the light and something told me to let go of who I was.The Holy Spirit right? People will say the past couple of months I changed and I admit I did change. Why does it make people cringe when I say that okay I am going to church and yeah I love God and I am on my knees thanking Him for all of my blessings in my life?  I am not living the nun life at all, I am trying to put God in the center of my own life and to also allow Him to control what will happen to me in the future. I may not show it all the time to others since there are people who do not believe in God and who are also very angry towards Him. I do things in silence and in my own time.

I am not perfect though, I fall in sin and I do not read the daily readings every day. There was a time when I went to mass all the time and I actually had strong morals and beliefs, but I lost myself in anger, bitterness, shame, and unforgiveness towards those who I love. I run away from my problems and literally avoid the people, who'd hurt me because I am not upfront about how I feel towards my parents, Phil, my friends, etc. I am afraid of criticism and "being in the wrong" so I am not honest to myself and I live out a lie, when I know deep down there is a reason why I am not feeling right inside of me since my conscience is usually telling me this is not right. Trust me, I know myself and who I was in the past. I am not innocent and I did a lot of wrong to people. I did not pray every night nor even went to mass consistently every Sunday. I walked away from a lot of my friends as I lost myself in my relationship (you know who you are). I am not careful and I make mistakes all the time and I beat myself up for it as I am always getting yelled at. I stopped talking to my parents for a really long time in the past. Most importantly, I avoided God prior to my surgery.

I lost count of how many random people, who were mostly women, I met the past couple of months from July until now who told me their stories about their struggles with the faith and what they did the in the past before they found God again: the McDonald's woman, the Laundromat woman, the old lady at the bus stop, my landlord, Aunt Karen, Ate Flo, my Cognitive Psychology professor, Roger, Sr Marie Maximilianus from the Sisters of Life, the taxi cab driver, the AA Dude, women from the womens group and other people that I can't really remember where I met them. These women all came at the right time when I needed to hear important messages from God. Most importantly these women were a living testimony of whats really important for me: the strong foundations of a God-centered marriage.  Yeah call me crazy but I see the effect of a strong marriages when the couples are God-fearing and they also did things right by getting married. They say that God speaks his message through the form of people, who we meet throughout their lives. We meet people and it can be either a blessing or a lesson and you have to listen to their message to you.

You know what all of these women had in common with their message they all told me to have patience my prayers will be answered over time, love myself, respect my parents and my neighbors, to continue to seek God/turn to him throughout the darkness times, and they gave me the encouragement when I need it the most  all of them said keep going you are almost there. The reason why I know this is not a coincidence anymore is because I asked God to show me signs that I am going the right direction. I do not know what does "almost there mean" besides the fact I am graduating this May.  Don't even get me started about what lies beyond graduation: I do not know where will I go for graduate or law school plus most importantly what will be my career and purpose in life. I will go through the process of taking the LSAT/GRE this January and start applying to graduate schools and entry level positions. I work way too hard and sacrificed everything from friendships to drinking parties to get my education plus get on the Dean's list this semester and I do not want  to be stuck in the 15% statistic of college graduates who are unemployed.

In the past I used to avoid talking to my parents, but in the end they are right in a lot of things and I finally came to forgive the both of them throughout my post surgery struggles and also the aftermaths of Superstorm Sandy. I am now able to communicate to the both of them and sure they tell me what is right and I still can be rebellious and resistant towards their words, but in the end they have gone through the struggles I am going through and they want me to have a better life than they had growing up. This healing took forever and not in the way I wanted to be, but in the end I am thankful for them for taking me back and for their sacrifices to make me happy.

Being involved with the church/the BLD Community/ being labeled as "illegal" one at the Newman Center in Montclair and  listening to Fr Jim Chern's homilies has reignited my passion in life for God and towards helping others. I recently took a retreat in October and it was life changing for me: the young women's retreat, which is done by the Sisters of Life. I might had fallen to sin and the darkness again recently, but its because I am not forgiving myself and I am not letting go of the bitter root pain inside of my heart. I never had the opportunity to attend in Mary Help during my junior and senior year the youth conferences, it was not my time. I do not know why but something (yeah its God) is telling me go to the SEEK conference this January before I potentially have another surgery on my left ankle. What I am trying to say is these retreats whether it is the Singles Encounter or when you receive the gifts of the Holy Spirit through LSS in BLD, the Sisters of Life retreats, or any Catholic Conferences are life changing. They change your perspectives in life as you are trying to find your purpose by SEEKING God and finding your purpose in life through Him. I am growing tired of listening to what society has molded us to do with our lives, seriously its usually not the right way to take away God and think that you are in control of your life but you are not.

I usually do not like asking random strangers for help, but please I need to go to this conference, I can't explain why but this is something I have to go to because I am at the point in my life where I am SEEKING for answers. Even if someone helps me cover half the cost please help me. I am asking for about $500 to cover for the costs and transportation to get to Orlando. I have the link provided below and if you are willing to help me. Below is my address and also the SEEK letter I wrote to explain what the conference is and what the cost will be covering.

Oh yeah and to the people who are probably thinking in your heads I should've worked and you are calling me lazy that I am not working so I will have the money to go to the conference. Okay here is the rundown I am taking 15 credits full time this semester and I am actually serious about school its because I want to make it to the Dean's List and boost up my GPA because I want to further my education beyond a Bachelors Degree next fall, whether it is going to Law school or get my master's in sports marketing or political science in addition to working full time by this summer. And on top of that I am doing an unpaid internship for the job experience. Not to add to another excuse but my left ankle is really bad and its painful to walk on my left leg because of the knee surgery plus I have been falling on that same bad leg the past couple of weeks so I am not able to work and stand on my feet so I am just trying to finish. Plus I am so thankful for my parents helping me these past couple of months and I do have a lot of bills due to all the surgeries so I do not want to ask them for help anymore.

Thanks to anyone who listens to my story, this is obviously the shortened story about me and who knows maybe one day I will be a facilitator/speaker.
Message me for further information. Thanks



http://seek2013.com/what-is-seek/
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Friday, November 23, 2012
As you may know, I am currently attending William Paterson University in Wayne, NJ. God has blessed my time here, making my college experience positive and truly enjoyable.  I have become involved with an organization on Montclair University’s campus called FOCUS, the Fellowship of Catholic University Students.  FOCUS works to help college students, like myself, grow in their faith life and develop leadership skills to be more effective in transforming our culture and society for Jesus Christ. After my knee surgery this May, I finally became more involved and open with learning more about God and my faith. I am trying to become more involved the Single’s ministry worship more often at BLD more often, especially the Women’s group. Since I had two surgeries this past year, it is very difficult with my parents and family to help me pay to attend SEEK.
This January, I have a special opportunity to attend SEEK 2013, a Catholic conference in Orlando presented by FOCUS.  This 5-day event features some of the best Catholic speakers in the nation and is designed to help college students like me seeking for answers.  Seek 2013 will provide me an opportunity to:
·    Grow in my love for Jesus and the Catholic Church
·    Meet over a thousand students from other parts of our nation
·    Spend time with many Bishops, Priests and people in the Religious Life
·    Listen to prominent Catholic speakers discuss issues pertinent to college students
·    Learn practical ways to engage my fellow college students
I am very excited about the possibility of attending SEEK 2013.  The cost of the conference is $350 per student, and we are hoping to raise as a campus $500 for food, transportation to and from Orlando, and additional expenses.  I hope that you are able to make a donation that would help me and other students like me from William Paterson University and Montclair State University get to Orlando for this event!  Any contribution you are able to give toward this cause would be greatly appreciated.  I am praying that 25 people will assist me in a donation between $50 and $100.